Monday, January 18, 2010
Pity Party
I'm so on the fence about this, but I have to write down how I'm feeling. I'm really angry. And, I guess depressed. Why aren't I pregnant? I've never had to see this side of the coin before - never had a hard time. I always thought that was my blessing to compensate for all the crap we had to endure through Michael's medical conditions, but now this is a struggle too! I know, I know - there's always two ways to look at it; I'm grateful for the three I have. Some of you may ask "What does she have to complain about? Is she nuts?" Well, maybe I am. I didn't feel like my family was complete, but maybe I don't know what I'm talking about anymore. I hate seeing friends get pregnant, knowing full well if it'd worked for us when we first started trying I'd be delivering a baby right about now. I hate that I'm jealous. I hate that I'm depressed. I hate that it worked and I lost that baby. It's so not fair to get excited about something and have it taken away. I know life's not fair. I know I still have it good. I'm just angry. Nothing personal. Just angry. When will this pass? Will it pass?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Kari I know EXACTLY how you feel. I know it is hard, and it will be for a long long time...at least it was (and unfortunately still is) for me. I had a hard time telling myself when I was in your situation that it was God's will and on his timetable and all the other things people tell you to try and make you feel better. Unless you have personally experienced the excitement, then discouragement and loss, you never quite know what that person is really gone through. I will pray for you and hope you know that I am there if you need someone to vent to.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry for what you're having to go through Kari.
ReplyDelete